Life is a repetitious cycle, spinning from one generation to the next. In A.R. Tivadar's "Mother-Daughter Duties," we explore the relationships, patterns, and financial challenges of not just a family but of the strong women who take charge of running it.
Early on in Tivadar's poem, we're introduced to a speaker who heeds her mother's advice. She describes that her mother is encouraging and proud of her achievements in graduating from a university but, "She tells me none of that matters / So long as I have a job and a salary" (Lines 5-6) Right away, we can gather that while receiving a higher education is important to her mother, the ability to make a living and afford life's day-to-day essentials is just as significant if not moreso. Considering that so many graduates often find themselves buried neck-deep in student loans and debts straight out of college with degrees they're not always guaranteed to actually put to good use, her mother's philosophy is quite logical.
Money is a motivator for her mother but for good reasons. As we discover more about them, our speaker shares, "I live in a world that gives me whatever I want / At shops are things my parents never dreamed of owning / As they never dreamed that a revolution would happen." (Lines 8-12) We learn that her mother simply wants her daughter to have more than she ever did. Growing up, we don't always understand why parents don't buy us everything our hearts desire. As a result, we take for granted the ways in which they are able to provide for us -- food, clothing, and shelter. But those who live before us always know just how expensive the world can be; everything has a price tag.
Financial obligations remain a running and relatable theme throughout this poem. When our speaker introduces her older sister, she focuses on how she provided for their family until she moved out. "My sister’s salary covered my parents’ bills / Their groceries, their medicines, / She got married and got bills of her own / My salary took up the assisting mantel." (Lines 13-16) Now that she is old enough and in a position to make money on her own, naturally those financial burdens her sister once carried on behalf of their family, now fall on her shoulders. But she isn't complaining nor does she seem worried about taking on such a heavy load; it's just something she accepts as her responsibilities, her duties, until the day she decides to move out and live away from home.
But this story doesn't end on just a second generation of daughters; in fact, it continues with a third. Tivadar's speaker shares, "My sister gave birth to a daughter / In August, after the Holy Virgin ascended / My mom and I visited daily until I got a job." (Lines 17-19) While work interrupts family visits with her niece, holding a job is a necessity in order to ensure she can properly take care of her parents and herself. And just as she has taken on the position of providing an income for their household, her mother is already making plans for the new, little addition to their family. "My mom says she will become a doctor, for sure, / A doctor who will look after her mommy in old age." (Lines 20-21) Already, she believes that her daughter will be the one who supports her beloved mother; it's a beautiful sentiment.
The love between a mother and daughter is quite special; it holds a great value like no other. The connections among all of these women of all ages run deeper than just monetarily. It's more about being there for one another. Supporting one another. Taking care of one another. And in "Mother-Daughter Duties," we feel the powerful and empowering bond they all share. In time, daughters can grow into sisters and mothers; aunts and grandmothers; friends and confidants. The cycle keeps spinning, and nothing will ever break the chain.
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