Call Me Home by Chainka

call me home.

it goes +380

there is an automatically generated response on the phone 

       call me home.

i want to hear my voice from early on,

from the time before i’ve cried my eyes and learnt how to crawl 

jesus, how i want to hear my voice from early on…

through the never-coming-back trains,

backdoor entrance, almost ripped-open veins, war crimes and war saints

call me, i’ll be ready 

will try to cut the rope, the wire—

       until feeling steady

the girl on the phone doesn’t know me

and she won’t believe 

               that i know her

to the very deep core 

actually, now i think that i don’t

like she ever won’t 

    know 

    what i’ve been through and why i don’t have a place to go

     why i’m not at home

she’s a girl from the 23rd of february,

      too excited to put on a show

she’s coming back home

with her bestest friend at that time.

    oh, she doesn’t know anything

about how it is to not feel fine 

oh, she still can cry late at night 

she doesn’t know how it feels

when you want to,

       but you have no tears

she doesn’t know how it is

when one of your biggest fears

is not having food to eat tomorrow 

oh, she doesn’t know anything

about grief and sorrow

she thinks she does,

 but to be honest, she’s just a fraud.

she lives in the back of my mind—

in my least and most favorite thought

god, i wish i could be her.

with a place to go

with my home

but i’m a girl

after the 24th of february

    i will never ever again have a home and all 

   i can do

    is 

  miss her 

  until i find the courage to bury her in the folded blanket of my bewitched soul 

call me home 

it goes +380 

for only a fleeting moment

i want to be her

a girl that i was three years ago