massage boards for heaven by Sergiy Pustogarov

i’ve bought a thousand massage boards

trying to break the knots

that turn my neck

into stiffened old oak boards.

i’ve worked with reiki

trying to release the fears and woes

my muscle store as frantic pains.

worked with god too,

raising my voice from the beams

of an ancient farmhouse.

pleading for help to guide this soul

toward that desired haven;

while rewriting the lie

that heaven is reserved

for a three-word prayer,

whispered from the deathbed

of one who spent their precious breaths

killing a thousand smaller lives.

i’ve spent my savings

rewiring my nerves,

teaching them not to flinch

at those souls who wreak havoc;

still awaiting their free pass

through the pearly gates.

and sometimes,

when i’m bent over in the living room,

ass up, breath taught,

trying to untangle myself again:

i hear saint peter saying

welcome home,

you blessed broken heathen,

who never knew which question

unlocked the perfect gate.

so you asked them all.

you sought every path

through redemption’s burning traps,

hoping to one day it might be enough

to let your body

finally rest.

Sergiy Pustogarov (they/them) is a nonbinary immigrant poet and medical student who blends art and science with a compassionate lens. Their work explores identity, healing, and the complexity of human experience, drawing from both personal journey and clinical training. A dedicated advocate for mental health and LGBTQ+ visibility, Sergiy amplifies underrepresented voices through poetry. Their writing has appeared in publications such as The Word Faire, Sand Hills Literary Magazine, and Wayfarer Magazine. Their chapbook My Papers Here Were Never Real is forthcoming from Quillkeepers Press in the fall of 2026. They can be found on Instagram @watersidepoems.